As a person of color, it is not uncommon to hear insensitive or ignorant remarks from people who are not part of your community. Unfortunately, racism still exists in our society, and it can manifest in many ways. Here are some things that black people hate hearing from white people:
"I don't see color"
When a white person says, "I don't see color," it minimizes the experiences of people of color. We want to be seen and acknowledged for who we are, including our race and ethnicity. Saying that you don't see color erases our identity and experiences.
"I have a black friend"
Having a black friend does not make you immune to being racist or saying racist things. It also doesn't mean that you understand the experiences of all black people. Using your black friend as a justification for your behavior or beliefs is not helpful.
"All Lives Matter"
While the sentiment behind "All Lives Matter" is good, it ignores the fact that black people in America are disproportionately affected by police brutality and systemic racism. Saying "All Lives Matter" derails the conversation and dismisses the specific issues that black people face.
"I'm not racist"
It's important to acknowledge that everyone has biases and prejudices, whether conscious or unconscious. Saying "I'm not racist" implies that you are perfect and never make mistakes. Instead, it's better to acknowledge your biases and work to overcome them.
"Why can't you just get over slavery?"
Slavery may have ended over 150 years ago, but its effects are still felt today. Black people face systemic racism and inequality that can be traced back to slavery. Telling someone to "get over" something that has had lasting effects on their community is insensitive and dismissive.
"You're so articulate"
While this comment may seem like a compliment, it implies that black people are not expected to be well-spoken or intelligent. It also perpetuates the stereotype that black people are uneducated or use improper grammar. Instead, acknowledge someone's intelligence without making it about their race.
"Can I touch your hair?"
Black people's hair is often a topic of fascination for non-black people. However, asking to touch someone's hair without their consent is invasive and disrespectful. Black people's hair is not a petting zoo attraction.
"But you're not like other black people"
Black people are not a monolith, and there is no one way to be black. Saying that someone is "not like other black people" is a way of othering them and implying that there is something wrong with being black. It's important to acknowledge and celebrate the diversity within the black community.
"I don't see race"
Similar to "I don't see color," saying "I don't see race" erases the experiences of people of color. We want to be seen and acknowledged for who we are, including our racial identity. Ignoring someone's race also ignores the systemic issues that affect them.
"I'm not responsible for what my ancestors did"
While you may not be responsible for your ancestors' actions, you do benefit from the privileges and advantages that they passed down to you. Acknowledging this privilege is important in understanding and dismantling systemic racism.
"I understand what you're going through"
Unless you have experienced racism and discrimination firsthand, you cannot fully understand what it's like to be a person of color in America. Saying that you understand can come across as dismissive or patronizing. Instead, listen to people's experiences and validate their feelings.
"You're being too sensitive"
When someone tells you that you're being too sensitive, they are invalidating your feelings and experiences. It's important to recognize that everyone has different thresholds for what they can handle. Dismissing someone's emotions is not helpful or productive.
"I don't believe in affirmative action"
Affirmative action is a policy designed to help level the playing field for marginalized groups, including black people. Saying that you don't believe in affirmative action ignores the systemic disadvantages that black people face. It's important to recognize that affirmative action is not about giving handouts, but about providing equal opportunities.
"I'm not racist, I have a black partner"
Having a black partner does not make you immune to being racist or saying racist things. It also does not mean that you understand the experiences of all black people. Using your black partner as a justification for your behavior or beliefs is not helpful.
"I don't see why we need Black History Month"
Black History Month is an important time to celebrate and acknowledge the contributions of black people to our society. Saying that you don't see why we need it erases the history and experiences of black people. It's important to recognize the contributions of all marginalized groups.
"I'm not racist, I have black friends"
Having black friends does not make you immune to being racist or saying racist things. It also does not mean that you understand the experiences of all black people. Using your black friends as a justification for your behavior or beliefs is not helpful.
"I don't see color, I treat everyone the same"
Treating everyone the same does not account for the fact that different people have different experiences and backgrounds. It's important to recognize and celebrate diversity, not ignore it. Treating everyone the same can also perpetuate systemic inequalities.
"I'm not racist, I voted for Obama"
Voting for a black president does not make you immune to being racist or saying racist things. It also does not mean that you understand the experiences of all black people. Using your vote as a justification for your behavior or beliefs is not helpful.
"I don't understand why you're so angry"
Black people have every right to be angry about the injustices that they face. Telling someone that they are "too angry" or dismissing their emotions is not helpful. Instead, try to understand where their anger is coming from and work to address the root causes of it.
"I'm not racist, I have black coworkers"
Having black coworkers does not make you immune to being racist or saying racist things. It also does not mean that you understand the experiences of all black people. Using your coworkers as a justification for your behavior or beliefs is not helpful.
Conclusion
It's important to educate ourselves about the experiences of people of color and be mindful of our words and actions. We should work to dismantle systemic racism and create a more equitable society for all. By avoiding these phrases and attitudes, we can create a more inclusive and respectful environment.